i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
