Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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