Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
