I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
