i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
