I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
