just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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