Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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