if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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