BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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