youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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