Kiss
Puke
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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