You're my little dorito
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
