Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This toilet bowl is my home.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
