you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
