remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
