I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
