I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
