anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
