i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
