Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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