i just wanna soil my oats bro
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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