Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
