I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
