Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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