My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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