She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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