just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
