why didn't you poke me back
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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