i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
