i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
