So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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