he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
