he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
