rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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