i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
