i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
