Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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