break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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