See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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