All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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