$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
