And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
