i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
