i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
