with your own penis?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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