I think i sorta joined a cult last night
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
