I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
