so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
