i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
