I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
