Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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