I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
